Yours to Keep: Inside the Tracks

“Any love I showed is yours to keep.”

It’s currently midnight, and I have work tomorrow morning, but for some reason, I just can’t fall asleep. I’ve always had trouble sleeping—well, issues in general. For example, right now I’m thinking about Scooby-Doo fruit gummies, especially the turquoise one (I believe it was either shaped like Scooby or the Mystery Machine). Honestly, they don’t taste the same anymore.

…

Was that a good example of my unwired thoughts?

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“Yours to Keep” was a revelation of my codependency in relationships. People-pleasing has always come naturally to me. I never gave much thought to the act of making someone else happy. I fed off the idea that if you weren’t okay, I had to do everything I could to help you reach a better mental state. Most of the time, that meant sacrificing everything in me to satisfy you. Obviously, not you you (fourth wall break), but you get what I mean when I say that music can apply to any scenario. The goal of this record was to take something personal to me and express it through lyrics that could be shared universally.

**1. Blue Jeans**

The term “Blue Jeans,” besides the generous loan from Lana Del Rey, is simple if you think about it. When you get close to someone, you start to notice everything about them—their clothes, their smell, their smile, what makes them laugh. There’s a 2023 memo of Blue Jeans floating around, but I decided to wipe it clean and start from scratch. The 2024 version is an emotional introduction to the record, especially with the lyrics, “I wish I could forget you, I’m jealous that you’re able.” Unfortunately, good times don’t last forever, and that was the hardest part for me to accept. This song still makes me sad to sing. I’m not sad, but sadness is just in me right now. I hope you never forget my blue shirt and the underwear I gave you.

**2. Deep End**

Oh, this one hurt. All of these tracks are honest, but this one is a different kind of honest. Being in a relationship that half the people around you didn’t know about, and then having it end—that’s just the worst. Especially because no one understands why you feel the way you feel.

“Deep End” was all about mixed emotions—“Should I? Should I not?” followed by “It’s for the best; it’s for the worst.” There’s still some regret over choices I made and things I said, but ultimately, it’s my life and my experiences that shape who I am.

I’ll see you running around Eleanor, and I still see you in all of my mismatched clothes. I’ll never forget my first love. ❤️

**3. Yours to Keep**

Going from “Deep End” to “Yours to Keep,” the title track, made sense from the start. I wrote these tracks over the last two months, so everything is still fresh. “Yours to Keep” is about accepting that the relationship is over, contrasting with “Deep End,” where there’s still uncertainty—almost a false sense of hope.

The quote “Any love I showed you is yours to keep” popped up on my Instagram feed during a rough week, and it stuck with me. Any love I’ve shown someone came from the bottom of my heart. I never expected love in return, but I was fortunate enough to receive it while the relationship lasted. This is still one of my favorite songs I’ve ever written, but I may never perform it live. Thank you for understanding. 🙏🏽

**4. Strawberry Ice Cream**

My sisters have always been a backbone for me. We understand each other, even if we don’t talk much sometimes. I’ve had to step up and be more than just a brother to them, and that’s taken a heavy toll on me (it still does). It’s not their fault; I’ll always try to give them everything I can. I’ve learned to set boundaries, but there’s always that lingering feeling of not being enough. “Strawberry Ice Cream” is an apology to them for not being as present as I wish I could be. We all fight to stay alive, but if I can’t do it with them, I don’t want it.

https://video.wixstatic.com/video/465c01_60ad23ce7ca2465bb3de93db2dffad47/360p/mp4/file.mp4

**5. Everything**

Oh, I was furious writing this one. I once heard that anger is just emotional sadness, and I can attest that IT IS. “Everything” was born out of frustration after life kept beating me down. I tried my hardest to keep someone else afloat and comfortable, but there was only so much I could do before I started hurting myself. While it might sound like a diss track, “Everything” is really a release of so many things I had been holding inside for a long time. It has the best outro I’ve ever written, and I’m incredibly proud of its placement in the record.

**6. I Know This Feeling Will End**

The opening notes of this song should sound familiar—they interpolate “I Know You” by Faye Webster, a fantastic song. Anxiety has always been a part of my life, but it’s become more noticeable recently. A few weekends ago, I had a panic attack while driving, and it was one of the few moments where I felt completely out of control. Life is tricky, but knowing that I can express these feelings, at least through music, gives me hope that there’s light out there for us all. Some lights are brighter, some dimmer.

Don’t get me wrong, things don’t get better overnight. I don’t have a solution for “fighting” these thoughts, except to just keep going. You will survive, just as you’ve been doing your entire life. You’ll be fine.

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And that’s the album—my insights into these tracks. Of course, I could go deeper into the lyrical analysis, tell you exactly who these songs are about, etc. But make the music your own, brah! Eat Scooby-Doo gummies and strawberry ice cream while streaming it Thursday night. These are truly some of my favorite songs I’ve ever written. Take care of it for me please.