Am I Running Out of Time?

Welcome again to the monthly blog. This time it’s a bit different - due to the fact not many people will read this because of my social media break. I pretend as if I get many reading views either way, but I am glad you are here on this day. Before we begin, here’s a list of things I want to ask you.

1. Are you okay?

2. Are you getting enough sleep?

3. Is social media treating you amazing?

4. Do you have enough time?

If you answered no to any of these questions, hop on the same boat as I’m in.

https://video.wixstatic.com/video/465c01_5aefd37c636849a9889936269a4854cf/1080p/mp4/file.mp4

March 28, 2020

At this exact time last year, I was not okay. I was not getting enough sleep. I was not feeling my presence in social media. I felt as if all of it didn’t matter. Why was I here at home with my family when I could’ve been more miserable at Duren? Why was I invisible to the world? It was so many “why, why, why?” questions.

Something that stuck out to me throughout those months was the question: Am I running out of time? It felt like a pathetic question. To be running out of time at 18 years old was the most selfish thing I could’ve asked myself. I don’t blame anyone for asking that question. I was so vulnerable to outside opinions that it gave me a timed sticker on my back. For every time I messed up or did something that affected my well-being, the time would lower. And lower. And lower. Eventually, the time was over and I let myself go.

I felt so miserable to be running out of time. I always wanted have control of my life. Pursuing too much control can be the thing that prevents you from getting enough. That was my demise.

I am so glad I ran out of time. Of the worldly time. Of time in 2018 and 2019 and 2020. It opened up so many new doors, so many new relationships, lessons, battles, victories, you name it. I know I don’t know many of your vulnerable, personal sides. If you feel like you're running out of time, let it happen. Let yourself take a break, leave the old person behind. It heals you in so many ways. Stop being glued to a screen, to whether your love life is excelling or not. His perfect time will never run out, yours will.

Take care, natural praisers. We have a lot of work to do and so little time. Actually, take as much time as you need. You never know the doors you’ll open if you run out of time.